Withdrawal Diary

Last weekend, the weekend of February 19, things were going well enough, I guess. We'd decided, weather be damned, that we were going to have a barbecue - go out and get a couple of steaks and treat ourselves. I was kind of riding a wave of happiness with the way Pristiq had been working for me. After all, my mood seemed to be leveling off, my outlook was brighter, and felt like I seemed to have more pep in my step, so to speak. We decided last Saturday that I would give the gym another go of it.   The last couple of times I had gone, things were dodgy at best. I'd only done cardio: some time on the treadmill, just to get my body moving again. I was anxious to achieve a new sense of normality, where being on 150mg of Zoloft for so long, I'd felt kind of bogged down. I was also taking Wellbutrin to try to counteract that haze, but it wasn't working the way I'd hoped it would.  It was like taking a placebo; fundamentally ineffective. The trip to the gym with my wife t

February 18, 2022 I believe progress has been made. But, I might have to change the title of this blog. I'm now currently no longer in 'withdrawal'.   In my last post, I was in such horrible shape that I had to do something. My wife wound up calling the doctor - and arranged for us to talk to him on the phone after she was done work. It had to be a phone call because Covid is still preventing in-person appointments. I actually ask my wife to accompany me on doctor's appointments these days because I want her to fill in the blanks, so to speak; that is, in case I don't say everything I might not have the courage to say. During the call, to summarize, I made the admission that I considered taking my own life back in November.   He reacted with detected dismay, and asked if I'd heard from the psychiatrist he referred me to last August. I told him I hadn't heard anything - he seemed somewhat upset. Thus is our health care system! He resolved to contact the psych

I won't mince words in saying the last few days have been rather hellish, health-wise.   Last Sunday, the 13th, was nothing but a shitty day on every level.   I allowed myself once again to interact on social media which wound up getting me riled up for absolutely no other reason than to participate in exchanging views that would lead to positively nowhere except bad feelings; and for that, I am guilty.   When will I learn??? Thing is, things like this when I 'scroll' down the newsfeed of one particular "social" media platform always happen. It's a massively toxic environment already proven in COURTS to divide people and create conflict - REAL COURTS OF LAW.   And these hearings and trials continue to this day, at least as far as I know. Still, I allow myself to be sucked into these fucking things, even as I don't 'scroll' these 'newsfeeds'.   They just appear at the top when I sign in, because the evil algorithms are designed just that way

Been a few days since I got back here.  I got all caught up in posting pictures and stories on my Picture This blog, which I'm having a blast doing. At this point I'm kind of an emotional wreck.  It's a major side effect of coming off of Zoloft, and my feeling is that I'm in for a longer, rougher ride on that front.  If I were a social person, I'd have withdrawn from being around people, fearing the risk of breaking down at the sight of a puppy or something.  I'm making light of it, but it's kind of annoying.  I'll listen to music that brings me back and get all melancholy about it; but what a great record Billy Joel's '52nd Street' is.  (I want to note, also, that a good friend gifted me the CD version of that album decades ago, that I still have and listen to today... "you talk about this all the time, so here!")  The hits on it are amazing, of course, but the non-hits are the ones that tug at my heart the most.  The percussion on

Woke up this morning to the phone ringing.  Turns out the wife slept in!  I feel like I'm to blame.  Some nights I'm a regular, bonafide chatterbox and I think I'm partially responsible for her being tired.  I have to do better at taking care of her. I wound up staying awake, and now we're in the noon hour of the day.  So since this is a withdrawal diary of a sort......... I had the damndest time getting to sleep the night before, so I was dead tired.  I ate this chocolate bar that has THC in it figuring it'd help me lull off.  Well, that's an understatement.  When Janice came home yesterday, she had to go for an appointment to get her nails done and I slept during that time.  She took my suggestion and picked up a take-out lasagna from Vito's along with a little side of garlic fingers.  Damn good stuff.  But anyway, when she came home with it, she woke me up and I had the damndest time coming around.  That chocolate bar did a pretty good job.  But I was nea

Damn.... brain zap mania is setting in!  This is no fun. I knew I was in for a rough ride coming off of Zoloft/Sertraline.  Every time I eat a meal now, it's smaller, and I wind up feeling nauseous, like I ate a whole buffet or something.  That was the case yesterday.  Chicken, corn and rice - a pretty innocent sounding plate.  But any meal right now makes me question whether eating is even worth it or not.  Gotta eat, though. Janice and me went out yesterday and had to get some plastic film for the bedroom windows.  The last couple of winters we didn't really need that done, because the temperatures were only in the single digit minuses at worst.  Not so this year.  Wow.  And now another weather system is headed out way.  (!!!) The ringing in my ears is increasingly getting louder, especially my right ear, which was always a little worse than the left.  I know that's part of the withdrawal symptoms after doing some research.  Same with digestive issues.  That explains me b

  February 1, 2022 As I trudge through my first days completely free of anti depressants, withdrawal symptoms are beginning to bubble up quite a bit more.  I knew this was going to be tough. So yesterday, Monday, I attempted to take a shot at normalcy by actually trying for another normal day of sleep.  I'm not doing too badly, all things considered, as far as the sleep schedule goes.  Monday, I was actually awake in late morning,  I did my usual diary for withdrawal symptoms, and eventually got up and went into the basement and arranged my new-to-me drumkit, trying to get that 'just right' Goldilox arrangement, or configuration of the drums to get them in the right range of reach.  That's tougher than it sounds, at least for me it is.  I don't like drums being on my bass mount, what this set came with, and instead opted for those two toms to slip into an old stand I had and mounted the bass mount toms away to the left of the bass drum.  It's a trial and error k